Happy Birthday, USA!

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea

O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassion'd stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness

America! America!
God mend thine ev'ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law

O beautiful for heroes prov'd
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life

America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev'ry gain divine

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea



God Bless America.

Thursday Thunks - July 2

Thursday! Thunks!






1. When you close a door, do you close it quick and just let it slam or do you hold the knob and slowly shut it tight?

It depends.... am I throwing a temper tantrum, or just headed out to the store?

2.Train A is moving at 60 miles an hour. Train B is moving at 22 miles an hour. They will pass each other at X time. Now what color shoes are you wearing when train A derails?

My beloved Dr. Marten wingtips, of course...

3. What if M&M's grew on trees? What color M&M tree would you have?

A multi-color one, I guess. I'm an equal opportunity M&M gardener...

4. How many petals on a flower does it take to make it the perfect bloom?

Well, six makes for a mighty pretty Pandora's Box daylily... Annabelle, however, takes a different approach...

5. I took you to spend $421.67 on you, what did we spend that money on?

Surprise me.

6. If you were a squash, what type of squash would you be?

A turban squash. They look pretty cool...

7. Have you ever gotten a wrong number call and ended up talking to the person for longer than 5 minutes?

No. I barely talk longer than 5 minutes to people that I know and like... I'm not a chat-on-the-phone person.

8. Why haven't you joined Berleen & Kimber at Insanity Cafe yet? Do we stink?

Well, I didn't want to say anything... just kidding! I'll check it out.

9. Now for one of Ber's questions back when TT was brand new... Shampoo bottles say lather, rinse, repeat... do you?

Only if my hair feels really grimy that day... like if I've been at an outdoor flea market all day, and the wind's been blowing sand around. Otherwise, no...

10. It's July, the year is half over. Do you see it as "whew that part is over" or best is yet to come?

Ummm, aren't both of those phrases saying the same thing? Or, is this a trick question, like "is the glass half-empty or half-full"? If that's the case, it really just depends on what kind of day I'm having. I'm very complicated. And moody.

11. Why do you do the Thursday Thunks meme?

Because I love to talk about me, me, me!

See you next week, Thunkers!

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Feeling stimulated?

Remember the "stimulus" package (aka the Porky McThiefpants Ripoff Plan™) that had to be passed so quickly that they didn't even have time to read it?

The one that had to be passed now! Right now! No time to lose! The economy will completely collapse without it!!

Remember how O'Bummer told us that if his "stimulus" plan didn't pass, that unemployment would go up, up, up? But, he assured us that his super-fantastic-unbelievably-awesome-plan to spend a trillion(!) dollars would make sure that the unemployment rate wouldn't continue to climb and the ridiculous deficit spending would (somehow) save the economy.

Well... as it turns out... The One, every Democrat in the House & Senate, and three turncoat Republicans were wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Shocking, I know.

Take a look-see at this handy-dandy graph made by Geoff at Innocent Bystanders... the dark blue line represents Obama's guess (for lack of a better word) at the unemployment rate *with* the Porky Bill... the light blue line is Bambi's guess at the unemployment rate *without* the Porky Bill. The maroon dots are the *actual* unemployment numbers.

So, the actual numbers are even worse than the numbers projected by Bambi's "experts". Why, it's almost as if we didn't need to spend a trillion dollars at all.

It's almost as if they have absolutely no knowledge of basic economics.

I guess you could even go so far as to say it's almost as if they don't know what the f*** they're doing.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Thursday Thunks - June 24

Thursday! Thunks!






1. Someone knocks at your door. You answer it. It's a kid from the local school selling candy bars for a fundraiser. Do you buy one?

By now, my policy on unexpected door knockers is pretty well-known. Sometimes, though, the sneaky kids from across the street stake out my driveway and catch me when I drive up. So, yes... I'll buy whatever the kids are selling. I like to reward them for actually doing the selling themselves, instead of just sending the order forms to work with their parents.

2. The end of the world is tomorrow and you are out of milk - do you go buy some?

It depends... are we really, really sure the world is ending? If we know for a fact it's all over, no. I hate running errands, and I've got plenty of wine and bourbon to quench any apocalyptic thirsts. If we're not absolutely positive... then, probably, yeah... I'll go get some. Better safe than sorry.

3. Have you ever picked up the phone and called someone that you hadn't talked to in years?

Yes.

4. Whats on your computer desktop background?

One of Stu's works, Blossom Deary...

5. What was the very first movie you saw in a movie theater?

Hmmmm, I remember seeing Peter Pan at a drive-in when I was very young. My mom let us wear our pajamas, which was pretty cool. Also, I vividly remember seeing Star Wars in the theater when I was 10. That was just downright awesome.

6. If you had to take a 10th grade science test, do you think you would pass?

Probably not. I didn't really dig science in high school that much... I did take a botany class in college that I loved. I could probably pass a botany test.

7. Describe heaven.

Sticking with my same answer from previous Thunks... A pretty stone cottage with lots of acreage in some peaceful woods by a lake, with horses and dogs and lots of time to garden, and read, and knit, and boat, and walk in the woods...

8. Has a place that you lived ever been infested with some sort of insect or rodent?

Ugh... When I moved into my house in Garland there were rats in the attic. (By the way, the receptionist lady at the exterminator's office was waaaay too cheerful about the many revolting ways modern technology allows us to kill rats these days... I think working for an exterminator may have warped her, just a bit.)

9. When you were a youngin', did you hide in the clothes racks at department stores?

Uh, no. My mother would have been pretty vehemently opposed to that kind of misbehavior.

10. Is there anything in your vehicle that is broken?

The air pressure sensor in the spare tire is missing... and my Jeep apparently feels the need to remind me about it every time I start the damn thing. Has anyone else noticed how bossy cars are these days? Seriously, that beeping is just annoying.

11. What is something in your house that people would be surprised to find?

Exercise videos.

12. Do you agree with the death penalty?

Yes, in many cases. Not for double-parking, though. That's just excessive.

13. Whats your favorite type of bear?

I like all of our bear friends equally, but these guys are pretty cute...

14. Where was the last place you went?

The kitchen. (I needed a soda...)

15. What if that person knocking at your door earlier was an adult selling candy bars... would you buy one?

Sigh... I keep telling you guys... I don't answer the damn door if I'm not expecting anyone! And, why would an adult be selling candy bars from door to door, anyway?

That's it! Thanks for playing, and I'll see you next week for more thunks!

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Crappy Day... redeemed...

So... I usually don't work on the weekends. Last week, my boss asked me to please, please help them out and work Father's Day.

I did... and it sucked. Holidays always suck in the restaurant business. People are only "out" because they feel obligated to go "out"... and their attitudes (and tips) reflect their obvious reluctance to be "out". (Note to Self: Never do anyone any favors... it'll only come back to bite you later...)

So... how was my crappy, 12-hour holiday shift-from-hell redeemed?

Part one: Wine and TV, courtesy of my awesome spouse and The Tudors.

Part two: This, courtesy of At the Point of a Gun:

A -2 approval index rating for the Boy Wonder. It pleases me to think that the imbeciles are waking up, and there's hope for the country after all.

Now... I'm off to sleepy-time. I have to be back at the restaurant, pretending to care, in about eight hours.

Ciao.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Literal Video - Air Supply

You gotta admit... It's been 25 years since this song came out... and Air Supply's still pretty frikkin' funny...



Laugh, clowns, laugh.

Have a good weekend.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Curiouser and curiouser....

Squeeeee!!!!

Tim Burton is making a new version of Alice In Wonderland! Yay!

And here's the best part:

Ho. Ly. Smokes!

Johnny Depp and Tim Burton together again? Doing a remake of Alice In Wonderland? Sweet Fancy Moses! Just the thought of it makes my heart go pitter-pat.

I mean, come on... just take a gander at their track record: The Corpse Bride, Ed Wood, Edward Scissorhands, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, Sleepy Hollow... (I'm sure Sweeney Todd was awesome as well, but I just can't sit through a musical...not even for Johnny Depp. I got 30 seconds into the preview, then *click*... I just couldn't take it.)

Seriously, though. How can this movie *not* rock?

March 5, 2010... oooohhh, I can hardly wait!

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Thursday Thunks - June 18

Thursday! Thunks!






1. Are your ears dirty?

Nope... as usual, I'm doing these right before bed, so I'm just out of the shower and fresh as a daisy... (same answer as that foot question from an earlier version of Thunks...)

2. Would you rather be stung by a scorpion or bit by a snake? (Don't say neither...no one wants to be in pain, that's the point. Pick one.)

I'll go with the snake, I guess... it's less likely to be fatal, according to eMedicine. Plus, I may deserve a snake-bite, since I'm more than likely bothering him in his own domain. Scorpions, however, are prone to coming into *my* house and hanging out in my shoes, waiting to sting me. That's just rude.

3. Do loud noises make you snappish? (i.e. A loud restaurant, screaming child next to you, booming stereo from a neighbor's house?)

Depends on the noise, I guess. Loud restaurants? No, since I work in one and if I don't like the noise in one that I'm patronizing, I can leave. Screaming kid? Yes, because that means there's someone (other than me) who *could* be doing something about it, but isn't. (And, before any parents start yelling at me about how I don't understand because I don't have kids, let me clarify that by "doing something about it", I mean they could take them outside or something until they calm down. It can be done. I know, because I've seen it happen.)

4. PETA- thoughts on this org.?

They're whacked-out media whores who have their priorities WAY screwed up... as is evidenced by the fact that they've issued a statement criticizing Obama for killing... wait for it ... a fly. Seriously? A fly? Are they kidding? WTF is that about? (Of course, I love animals... I just don't think PETA is a good organization...)

5. Would you rather be the discoverer of the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot? (Imagination!)

I'll pick Nessie, because that means I'm on holiday in Scotland!

6. When in a public toilet and it's not flushed: do you flush & use or move on to a clean one?

Ewww.

7. Neighbors are having a noisy, party bonfire, what do you do?

Probably nothing if it's a once in a while thing. On that topic, we have great neighbors... they often have outdoor parties in the summer, but they aren't unduly noisy and they always end before midnight.

8. Do you play Monopoly? If so, which version of the game?

I haven't played for years, and I've never played any version but the original.

9. Are you a remote hog?

I don't think I can be classified as a "hog", since I'm the only one who knows how to use it.

10. Do you like the smell of paint?

It's not my favorite smell of all time, but it doesn't bother me.

11. My questions obviously suck this week. {I've had a bad week.} So do you think Kimber should have...
~smoked pot before doing these questions?
~drank liquid courage?
~begged Berleen to do them (she's better at them anyhow)?
~just piss off! I could have done better!

Hmmmm... how about all of the above? Maybe she should sniff some of that paint from question 10? Seriously, I don't think they were that bad... There's been worse. And, I certainly would never claim to be able to do better.

That's it for this week... thanks for playing!

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Pravda, here we come....

Can we call Obama a Fascist yet?

He's well on his way to nationalizing the banks and the car companies... and now Drudge tells us he's using a major media outlet to help him nationalize health care:

On the night of June 24, the media and government become one, when ABC turns its programming over to President Obama and White House officials to push government run health care -- a move that has ignited an ethical firestorm!

Ethical firestorm, indeed.

ABCNEWS anchor Charlie Gibson will deliver WORLD NEWS from the Blue Room of the White House. The network plans a primetime special -- 'Prescription for America' -- originating from the East Room, and excludes opposing voices on the debate. The Director of Communications at the White House Office of Health Reform is Linda Douglass, who worked as a reporter for ABC News from 1998-2006.

Nope. No media bias here, move along...

And, what an excellent example of the bi-partisanship The One promised us... a prime-time propaganda special featuring his ideas and failing to feature any ideas or objections put forth by the opposition.

Gee.... it's kind of like that time when he asked for bi-partisan input on the Porky McThiefpants Rip-Off Plan™, and when some Republicans had the temerity to mention their ideas, his gracious and bi-partisan response was, "I won."

2010... please come soon!

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Gardening through the years...

When we moved into this house, the area under our spruce tree was overgrown and covered in weeds.

Stu cleared all of it out (and got a wicked case of full-body poison ivy in the process), trimmed the hanging limbs of the tree, and I planted a hosta bed.

The clearing and trimming part happened right after we bought the house in July 2004, and I planted the hostas in May 2005. As a welcome-to-the-Midwest gardening gift, Illinois gave me a kick by suffering the worst drought in, like, 30 years... the hostas (and everything else) struggled that entire summer....

They didn't do so hot in 2006, either... By the end of that growing season, I was considering ripping them out. (I'm a ruthless gardener. Put out or get out... that's my motto.)

Fast forward to May 2007. (Pardon the tacky little fence... it was supposed to keep the dogs out of the flower beds. It did not work. Not at all.)

And here's how they looked in May 2008:
Looking a little better, right?

Well, take a gander at those babies today!
Yowza!

Oh, and do me a favor, please? Pretend you don't see the not-yet-edged grass around the border. Instead, focus on the pretty petunias!
Now, the hostas aren't the only members of the garden taking their jobs seriously. The Annabelle hydrangeas I planted in September of 2007 are competing for a "Most Improved" gold star, too.

May 2008. They were looking pretty good for their first year.
And, that brings us to today. Those are some Stella d'Oro daylilies that are about to burst into bloom, and there to the left, you can see one of the hydrangeas. All three of them have already set buds, and should bloom within the next couple of weeks.
Please accept my apologies for the quality of the photos. I need some practice with the whole photography thing.

I bought a new camera a couple of weeks ago, and I'm looking forward to mastering it soon. I need Stu to coach me... he's a great photographer.

I'll post more photos when I have more flowers to show.

Ciao.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Hey, Fox News!

Give these guys a show.




Yeah, you definitely need to give these guys a show. In prime-time.

Because those prime-time shows you're airing now? They suck.

O'Reilly's a blowhard, Hannity's a dullard, and Greta's fascination with murders, kidnappings and disappearances is downright ghoulish.

Everyone keeps *talking* about how the GOP needs new faces to bring young people into the party, but nobody's *doing* anything about it.

Hop to it, programmers.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Literal Video, Take Three...

After all those posts about how *not* funny Letterman is, I think I should lighten it up a bit and we should watch something that *is* funny...

This comes to us via the genius who brought us the literal translation of Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Heh... fruity '60s clothes...

Here's the original:


Full disclosure: I. Love. The Monkees.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Letterman is still a douchebag...

So, Letterman's been called out for his obscene remarks about Sarah Palin's daughter.

In response, he did a classic Hollywood-style "apology" that consisted of not apologizing. Instead, he spent eight (very unfunny) minutes making the whole issue into a joke, while trying to portray the Palins as overreacting morons and trying to excuse his remarks about Palin's daughter.

If you are a reasonable human being, I'm sure you're wondering what possible excuse could there be for making "jokes" about children being molested by adults?

The twisted perv basically came up with this: "Hey! I wasn't saying it's funny that the 14-year-old daughter might get knocked up by a baseball player! I was calling the 18-year-old daughter a whore! That's okay, right?"

Jumping Jesus on a handcart... enough with the vulgar remarks about people's children, already. I thought we had a "children are out of bounds" rule. I guess that only applies to Chelsea Clinton and Obama's kids.

I don't want to post any more of this asshat's video on my blog, but if you want to punish yourself and watch this train wreck for yourselves, the video is at Real Clear Politics.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Thursday Thunks - June 11

Thursday! Thunks!






1. What is your least favorite candy bar?

Three Musketeers... Gah. I hate that fluffy crap... what the hell *is* it, anyway? Oooh, trivia time: Did you know that the names for Three Musketeers and Mars Bars were originally mixed up? Mars was supposed to be the one with the fluffy filling, and Three Musketeers was supposed to be the one with chocolate, caramel, and nougat. I read that somewhere, so it must be true.

2. If I were to call you, what would you say?

I'd say, "What do you want?" But, I'd say it nicer than that, probably. Maybe. (Full disclosure: I'm not a big "phone talker"... surprise!)

3. What is your favorite type of leaf?

Uh... Maple. So far as you know.

4. When was the last time you....
- had sex?
- swam in a lake?
- went barefoot outside?
- ate peas?

In no particular order:
- Never
- Yesterday
- 48 hours ago
- One week ago
(I'll leave it to you to try and figure out which answer goes with which question.)

5. Since Father's Day is right around the corner, tell us about the person that you are celebrating.

My father is deceased -- he died when I was only 23. I wish I'd gotten to know him better as an adult -- I think we would have gotten along pretty well. I remember him having a similar sense of humor.

6. Were you dropped on your head as a child?

Not that I know of, but it certainly would explain a lot.

7. How often do you clean your toilet?

Ugh. More often than I want to, but not as often as I should.

8. Have you ever been sunburned? Tell us about it.

Even though I'm pretty fair-skinned, I've been very fortunate in that I've only had one *really* bad sunburn, and it happened when I spent the day at an outdoor flea-market without sunscreen. It was pretty cloudy, and I didn't even think about it being a problem. I've mostly avoided sunburns by being a big sissy, and not wanting to be outside when it's hot.

9. On average, how many hours a sleep do you get a night?

Usually.. about 6 to 7. Lately, less.

10 How many hours did you get last night?

I'm assuming you're still talking about sleep, right? If so... about 3. (Damn you, anxiety disorder!!)

11. Take a picture of something. Post it.

12. Are the bottom of your feet dirty?

Nope. I'm just out of the shower, and fresh as a daisy.

13. Do you know the names of every member of the family who lives next door to you?

Yep. In order to protect the innocent, I'm not going to say their actual names, but on one side is a very nice couple with a baby and a dog... and on the other side is a hateful biddy. I know all of their names.

Well, that's it for this week! See you next time! Thanks for playing....


© Jana Ogletree 2009

The New Jackie O...??

The completely unbiased American media outlets are relentless in their attempt to convince us that the First Sasquatch, Michelle Obama, is a fashion icon. And she's not just any ol' run-of-the-mill fashion icon, either.

She's "The New Jackie O!"

So... who are you going to believe? The fawning media? Or your own lyin' eyes?

WTF?? Jackie O, you say? I think not.

I'm going to help the media in their quest to brainwash us, and give them a little tip...

If they want to us to believe that she's the most graceful, gorgeous Sasquatch to ever walk among us, it doesn't help their cause to photograph her next to an *actual* beautiful woman. Especially if their outfits are similar.

This pairing of photos looks like a Glamour "dos & don'ts" article.
I'm just sayin'.


© Jana Ogletree 2009