Stay classy, Obamas!

Over the weekend, Oprah's big Obamamas Special debuted. And, it was as fawning and vapid as one would expect. (From the small bits I've seen and heard, anyway... I must admit I don't have the stomach for an entire hour of those two.)

Anyhoooo... here's a little clip showing the "real" Obamas:



Petty and unpleasant.

Back and forth... "What are you gonna get me? You should feel pressure." "I give much better presents than I get." "I give you good gifts." "Oh, please...Who gave you that? (pointing to a pearl necklace with a jeweled clasp.)"

On and on. Every time I see them in an interview together, they're always sniping at each other. She portrays him as ungenerous and inconsiderate, he paints her as a nagging harpy.

Yes, it seems the Obamas *are* The Bickersons. (The absolute worst of the marriage cliches, in my personal opinion.)

The Bickersons are used in advertising all the time because someone in marketing thinks that real people can relate to them. They also star in lots of sitcoms because someone in programming thinks that constant quarreling is amusing.

It's not.

In real life, The Bickersons are obnoxious. They annoy the rest of us with their incessant badgering. They quibble over every little thing, and make the rest of us uncomfortable. (And that makes us wish we'd never gone to that stupid dinner party in the first place.)

And, don't tell me, "Oh, they're just joking and that's just how they relate to each other."

Okay, then. Fine. They can relate to each other at home. By themselves. They're making the rest of us hate them because they always ruin our evening.

And, in this case, since these two have proven themselves to be particularly mean-spirited on any number of occasions, I'm not buying the "all in good fun" line of malarkey.

Besides, when you get right down to it? The worst of it is not that they they make the rest of us uncomfortable, or that we don't find them amusing...

The worst of it is that it's simply poor manners. I mean, let's face it... squabbling in public is just plain tacky.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Fairy Tales...

Tee hee...



Go to iOWNTHEWORLD.com for more of teh funny.

So. Shiny.

I was going to write something snarky. You know, a comment about ill-fitting sweaters or ginormous pins attached to a neckline. I thought maybe I'd make a joke about a golden goose or something...but this one really just speaks for itself.



Yikes.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

That's a Peace Prize!

Always the butterfly, Obama flitted off to Oslo to accept his peace prize, and I was worried that he might not act like a classless jerk. Because if he acted appropriately and with dignity, I wouldn't have anything to write about.

Oh, I needn't have worried my pretty little head.

Just as he does when interacting with all of our allies, he's conducted himself in a manner most embarrassing to himself. And us.

News outlets across the region are calling Obama arrogant for slashing some of the prize winners’ traditional duties from his schedule. “Everybody wants to visit the Peace Center except Obama,” sniped the Norwegian daily Aftenposten, amid reports the president would snub his own exhibition at the Nobel Peace Center. “A bit arrogant—a bit bad,” proclaimed another Aftenposten headline.

Awww... the Europeans are feeling gypped that the Messiah isn't returning their unwarranted adoration.

“I totally understand why the Norwegian public is upset. If I could get a few minutes with the president, I’d say, ‘To walk through the exhibition wouldn’t take long, and I’m sure you would love the show. You have no idea what you are missing.’”

Wouldn't take long? Of course it wouldn't take long. How long could it possibly take to stroll through an exhibit of Obummer's accomplishments? 15 seconds? 10? He's never *done* anything. Ever.

...the president has declined an invitation to lunch with King Harald V, an event every prize winner from the Dalai Lama to Al Gore has attended. (The newspaper’s headline: “Obama disses lunch with King Harald.”)

Also among the dissed, according to news reports: a concert in Oslo on Friday that was arranged in his honor, and a group of Norwegian children who had planned to meet Obama in front of City Hall.

Why did he go there at all, if not to participate in the full dog and pony show? Maybe it's me, but it seems rude to go over and basically say, "Yeah, yeah... this is nice and all, but I really just came to pick up the check. And the trophy. Where is it?"

It would be like showing up at Thanksgiving dinner five minutes before the food is served, then leaving before everyone else finishes dessert. And taking all of the leftovers.

“The American president is acting like an elephant in a porcelain shop,” said Norwegian public-relations expert Rune Morck-Wergeland.

Elephant? No, Rune. Not an elephant. A jackass.

“In Norwegian culture, it’s very important to keep an agreement. We’re religious about that, and Obama’s actions have been clumsy. You just don’t say no to an invitation from a European king. Maybe Obama’s advisers are not very educated about European culture, but he is coming off as rude, even if he doesn’t mean to.”

Where's this guy been? "Even if he doesn't mean to"? Obama's been nothing *but* rude to our allies and friends. DVDs that don't work for Gordon Brown, an iPod with his own speeches for the Queen, phoning in his speech (literally) for the German wall thingie, refusing to meet with the Dalai Lama... the list just goes on and on. And on. And on.

But, some of his disciples still cling to their broken dreams... It's as though they have battered wife syndrome.

But some news outlets are cutting him a bit of slack, noting that he is dealing with two wars and soaring unemployment back home and a new war, and that his main focus this week should rightly be on the climate-change summit in Copenhagen. Taking part in all the activities surrounding his Nobel Prize could send the wrong message.

It's all so disappointing. At least they have the press conference to look forward to. Oh, wait. No, they won't.

That may have something to do with Obama’s uncharacteristic shunning of the press. Whereas other prize winners have viewed the standard Nobel Peace Prize CNN interview as an opportunity to address the world for a full hour, Obama seems unwilling to answer any questions at all. There will be no press conference, just a statement from the president.

“It’s very strange that he is unwilling to meet the press,” said Marie Simonsen, political editor at Dagbladet, one of Norway’s biggest daily newspapers. “I’m very disappointed. You get the impression he is not proud of the prize.”

No, Marie... I get the impression that the arrogant douchebag doesn't want to look like an incompetent boob in front of the world for two hours. He's incapable of putting two words together without the assistance of his beloved teleprompter. If he's not provided with a copy of the questions beforehand, he can't answer a question. So, he'll hide.

Way to stay classy, Barry!

In honor of Bambi's peace prize, let's revisit the musical stylings of Steven Crowder:


Classic.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Another Jackie-O moment...

Here's a baffling picture of Me-chelle meeting with the wife of the Turkish Prime Minister:

Seriously. WTF is up with that hair?

Are there no mirrors in the White House? Is no one brave enough to tell Her Majesty that her hairdo is, um, well... saying this hairdo is unattractive doesn't quite do it justice. I don't even understand the thought process behind it...

Unless she's concealing a weapon up there (or maybe one of those cheeseburgers she loves so much), I can't really think of a reason for her to wear a beehive taller than Marge Simpson's. She certainly doesn't need to add any more height to that huge noggin of hers.

I can just imagine the Prime Minister's wife thinking to herself, "I should offer her my headscarf. She needs it more than I do."

At least she's not wearing one of those hideous belts.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Ridin' the Storm Out...

So... here it is December 9, and global warming strikes again.

Saaaayyyy.... has anyone heard from Al Gore lately? People are finding out that his hysterical warnings of the Earth ending in a fiery blaze has been a hoax all along, and in good liberal fashion, he's cancelled his appearances and no one's heard from him for a couple of weeks now.

But, I digress.

It's the first snow of the year. And it's not the pretty, fluffy snow that you want. It's ugly, wet, dreary snow.

Fortunately, I'm prepared for just such an occasion. I have the whole day off today, so I am implementing my patented Icky Weather Survival System™:

Appropriate attire is vital to the success of any mission:





Once I'm appropriately clad in my flannel owl pjs and fuzzy leopard slippers, I'll grab this:



And fill it with this:



Which I will drink while curled up on the couch watching this:



Or, maybe this:



Intense and dramatic, or light and clever? Whichever one I decide on, there's one thing for sure. Once the DVD starts rolling, I'll reach into my magical stash of yarn and retrieve a couple of skeins of this:



Which I will then use to crochet this:



In case I start to feel a little weak, I'll have this at the ready:



When dinnertime rolls around, it will still be slushy, cold and wet. So, I'll call for one of these:



Ooh, I'll surely be a little thirsty. I'm ready for that inevitability, because I have a bottle of this:



Aaaahhhh... weather related crisis averted.

Well, it's 9:00 am, and there's a long day ahead. So, I'm off to implement my foolproof plan.

P.S. -- Admit it, once you read the title of this post, those of you who are, ahem, of a certain age starting humming REO Speedwagon, right?


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Video Monday...

Lazy blogger today.

Let's get Louder with Crowder. He has a pretty interesting (and accurate) take on peaceniks in general, and John Lennon in particular.



P.S. -- He's absolutely right about John Lennon. He was a hypocrite of the first degree, and, I would add that he was about 1/100th as talented as Paul McCartney.

Thursday Thunks - December 3

Thursday! Thunks!






1. Sometimes when you are sitting around doing nothing, a thought randomly pops into your head. How many measuring cups do you own?

For dry measuring? One full set in the kitchen... and I have a "one cup" size for measuring dog food. So, I guess a total of five all day. For liquid measuring? Two. Both are Pyrex 'two cup' size.

2. What is your favorite ice cream topping?

I'm a purist, I don't really like "toppings" on my ice cream. They make it melt too fast. If I had to choose, though... I like butterscotch and, of course, hot fudge. (But not together.)

3. Egg nog - is it digestible?

If by "digestible", you mean "delicious", I would say *Oh, Hell's Yes!* (Especially when it's mixed with copious amounts of bourbon. Not Rum. Bourbon.)

4. Were you one of the insane humans who went to a store last Friday?

Nope. I hate to shop even under the best of circumstances... add in a few million extra people and there's no way in hell I'm anywhere near a mall.

5. There are 12 months in a year, anywhere from 28 - 31 days in a month, depending on the year, of course. Each day holds a special meaning for someone, some days hold a special meaning for everybody. Do you have a 2010 calendar yet?

Yep. Gotta keep track of my work schedule, donchya know.

6. Kids are funny sometimes and say the darndest things, but it's ok because they are kids and they are so adorable. A two year old is cute when they say a swear word. Admit it, they are. What was your favorite nursery rhyme growing up? Hey - if you don't have a favorite, just work with me here and pick the first one that fell off the wall and broke like an egg or came out of the sky like a cow who just jumped over the moon.

It's not technically a nursery rhyme, but one of my favorite books was "Never Tease A Weasel"... I still have it, and I still love it.

7. Most of us have some type of machine that people like to call 'vehicles'. Some are blue, some are yellow, some are red. Some have trunks, some have beds and some even can't decide if they are a car or a truck. We put gas in them, check the oil and drive them all over the place and stop them in places called parking spots. Picture in your mind the machine you currently own and if you own more than one, picture the one you last drove - when was the last time you had a new tire on it?

I had to replace a tire last year... the spare couldn't be repaired, darn it.

8. For those of us on Facebook, do you wish to share your Facebook identity with us?

I. Hate. Facebook.

9. Santa's coming! Where's the best place to hide presents? Any clever little tricks for keeping those nosey people from ruining the surprise?

I'm a complete Scrooge. I haven't "done" Christmas for years. (Or any other holiday, for that matter.)

10. Have you heard that the world is going to end in 2012? Some people think that the world isn't actually going to go BOOM! and be no more, they think that the "end of the world" is actually going to be a worldwide takeover by a certain country and/or religion, which all has to do with the current president of the USA. Do you agree?

I'm not sure I understand the question, but I will say this... the United States is strong. We've survived a lot so far, and we can survive the current crisis, too.

11. Butterfly, butterfly fluttering through the air, please don't land on my freshly washed hair. What brand of shampoo did you use this morning? (and for those of you who still stink.. think of yesterday morning... and if that still doesn't apply to you - go get your stinky butt in the shower!

I use Herbal Essences Hello Hydration shampoo (and conditioner.) I like it, but... let's be honest. It's not quite as awesome as one would be led to believe...

That's it! See you next week!

Aaaarggghhh....

I recently lamented that there is no escape from Dear Leader's TV coverage... Thanksgiving brings us a PSA wherein The One instructs us to exercise and volunteer our time building playgrounds. Or, something like that.

Dave C. informed me in the comments of that post that even the Food Network isn't safe...

Iron Chef America will open its season premier on January 3 2009 at the White House using fresh produce from Michelle Obama’s garden.

The Food Network show hosted by Alton Brown will feature White House chef Cristeta Comerford paired with Bobby Flay to compete against Mario Batali and Emeril Lagasse.

The “secret” ingredient the chefs must use in their dishes is anything that grows in the White House garden.

Oooh... sounds like a challenge... what delicious dishes will they cook up from Moo-shelle's lead-enhanced garden? (Back in July they found that the garden contained elevated levels of lead. Yum.)

Michelle will also use the opportunity to discuss encouraging children’s healthier eating habits and reducing childhood obesity.

Yay! Another lecture from the First Nag! Maybe, in addition to chastising us for eating french fries, she'll give us helpful tips like "Don't eat lead, kids! It'll make you stoopid!"

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hmmmm.... Thanksgiving is in November, and it's a long, long time til January. Whatever shall we watch? Aren't there *any* other reasons for the First Family of Narcissists to invade our television time?"

Well, never fear, Comrades! Annie Oakley alerts us to the Oprah/Obama Christmas Special!

The queen of daytime will interview the president of the country during an ABC holiday special that brings together Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama.

The network has announced "Christmas at the White House: An Oprah Primetime Special," which includes an interview with the president, a conversation with the First Couple and tour of the White House. The special will also go behind-the-scenes as staffers prepare the White House for the holiday season.

Oh, praise be to Obama! Thank the Heavens! I was worried for a minute that we might have to spend an entire evening watching something that *didn't* involve this douche nozzle and his holiday plans!

Whatever did we watch before November 4, 2008? Stupid shows that did nothing but entertain us and bring us pleasure. Finally, there's something worthwhile on TV... a nonstop barrage of the President and his wife scolding us for our shortcomings. Finally, there's something to watch that, while we may not think it's good, we can be assured that it's good FOR us. The Obamas know best, after all.

But, why bother with all of these silly PSAs and prime-time specials? Why doesn't he just start his own damn 24-hour network and be done with it? It could be all Barack, all the time.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of selling my TV on Craigslist.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Aaaaannnnd... th'th'that's all folks!

'Twas the night CBS news jumped the shark:



Sorry, folks. It's sad, but it's true... "Journalism" is dead.

I feel I must address this topic with Katie personally:

Dear Katie Couric:

You are an idiot. Anyone who still believes you are a serious journalist is also an idiot.

Merry Christmas, Moron.

Sincerely,
Jana

© Jana Ogletree 2009

There's no escape...

I'm thankful that I'll be at work all day on Thanksgiving.

You may, or may not, be wondering, "Why?"

Doesn't matter. Either way, I'm going to tell you.

I'm glad that I will be working all day because I'll be spared the much-touted network television debut of the latest episode from our friends at Hope 'N' Change TV...



Jumpin' Jesus on a handcart! There's just no escape from this guy. The Lecturer-in-Chief won't even give us one lousy day to relax? People can't even take a measly three hours to enjoy a football game ON THANKSGIVING without being hounded about how lazy we are?

Here's the thing. Contrary to what they seem to believe, the Obamas were not elected to be our National Parents. I, for one, am sick of this chain-smoker and his fat-ass wife scolding me 24 hours a day about health and fitness.

Here's the deal... when Barry gives up the Kools, and Moo-chelle stops shoving french fries into her pie-hole, I'll (maybe) give their sanctimonious lectures some thought.

Until then?

Give it a rest, for crying out loud.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Thursday Thunks - November 19

Thursday! Thunks!




1. If you won a brand new house in a Dream House Giveaway would you move into it, sell it to pay the taxes and make a profit, rent it out or give it to a family member/friend who might need it?

If it was a style that I love, in a cool place where I'd want to live (like, say, a stone cottage on a beautiful lake, with no other houses in sight), I'd move in. If it was a style I don't care for, in a place I don't want to live (like, say, a stark, contemporary house in L.A.), I'd sell it for the money. Then, I'd use the money to buy a stone cottage on a beautiful lake, with no other houses in sight. See how it all works out in the end?

2. Are you good at billiards?

Good lord, no. I have the worst depth perception on the planet, and I don't understand geometry. In pool, that's pretty much the double whammy of fail.

3. Does anyone on the planet really want to see Levi Johnston naked in Playgirl (other than when Bristol Palin did)?

Ugh. If that guy were any more of a dirtbag, Oreck would be trying to buy his patent.

4. Is your phone ringing right now?

No, thank God. The only people who call during the day are telemarketers. And, they call all. day. long.

5. Do you think man has eaten or tried to eat every type of animal on the face of the earth at one point or another? If not, what don't you think man has tried?

My answer to the first question is yes... we humans have had a nibble on any and every thing there is to eat. (It's good to be at the top of the food chain, no?) And, since "yes" answers the first question, the second question is moot.

6. The new movie Avatar has been showing sneak peeks and been hyped to the max. Will you see it?

I'm sure I will... I love that whole sci-fi/fantasy genre. But, I hate to leave my house, so I'll probably wait until I can watch it on cable. There's a very short list of movies I'm willing to see in the theater.

7. If a slightly bigger fish eats a small fish, then a bigger fish immediately eats that one, then an even bigger fish immediately eats that fish and then finally a huge fish eats the one that just ate that fish and it gets caught by you... how many meals will you have from that one fish?

Just one. But, man... it's a doozy!

8. If you had an appointment with the doctor and all the plants in the office were dead, would you still see the doctor?

Yes. I'm sure the doctor's not to blame for the plants. There's probably a service that takes care of the plants... a service that he subscribed to in order to free up his time. (I'd like to think he's using that time to brush up on the latest medical breakthroughs.) But, clearly he needs to hire better help.

9. Have you ever seen the number 666 in a dream?

I see it every time I write my birth date -- */*6/66. Spooky, eh? I'm sure you have a whole new view of me now. (Or, maybe some things just make more sense?)

10. "At 20 years of age the will reigns, at 30 the wit, at 40 the judgment."~ Benjamin Franklin
So what happens at 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100?

You just say, "F*** it."

11. Would you want your phone number to be (area code) 123-4567?

I'd be hard pressed to think of something that would matter less to me.

Tee hee....

Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

Ha ha ha ahahahahaha!!!! The "caps lock incident"... that's classic.

Okay, hands up! Who thought this might be an actual news clip at first?

Given the fact that he's such a buffoon, it's getting really hard to tell the difference between an amusing joke and an embarrassing actual event.

© Jana Ogletree 2009

Mystery solved?

Like so many others, I've been wondering why in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks MEshelle insists on wearing those ridiculous (not to mention ugly and unflattering) belts.

It's really quite baffling.








Yesssss..... Baffling.

But! Today I stumbled across what might be the answer to this particular fashion riddle.

Maybe, just maybe, there's a method to her madness.

After all, she's not wearing them *just* to be stylish. (Obviously.)

That's right... I think that sneaky minx is multi-tasking! She's not just accessorizing her assortment of hideous outfits, she's working towards firmer, tighter, sexier abs!



Now, before we start getting all judge-y... we really should cut a sister some slack.

After all, stuffing one's face with taxpayer funded chow 24/7 is gonna catch up with a big-boned gal sooner rather than later.


© Jana Ogletree 2009

Frugal Fashion Tips...

Heh.

After they made the draperies, and upholstered the chairs... there was juuuussst enough fabric left over to fashion a skirt for Michelle.

Way to lead by thrifty example, MO! Waste not, want not... right?

And, instead of going out and buying a brand new giganto belt, she's opted to wear that World Wrestling Federation number again.

Reduce, reuse, recycle. That's the name of the game, isn't it?

(She's making it so easy it's almost not fun anymore. Almost.)


© Jana Ogletree 2009